Don't Be Careful - Meg & Dia

I'm sure at some point of your life, some one has asked you, "What's your type?" I know a lot of people who just, don't have a type. Well... I definitely do. Physically, I usually go for the blond with blue eyes kind of guy. But, I never really stay true to that. When it comes to personalities, I definitely have a type. I like to go for the egoistic, player, into-himself, jerk.  Throw in athletic, and you've got my perfect guy. I can openly say that's my type, because trust me, I've met so many of them and every time I do... I can't help myself. But because I alway go for these types of guys. I've learnt to understand them a lot better then the average girl. 


I don't quite know how to describe it, but these guys who use and abuse women, don't have the same mentality as "regular" guys. What I mean by that is these players (for lack of better terms) have a whole different part of them that they seal off to women... But I get the impression that it wasn't always like that. Here's how I see it: He's in high school and he realizes how exciting it is to go after girls, but then he meets one girl that's different then all the other ones. They date in late high school, or the years following that. The guy lets all his walls down, let's her in completely, and is actually in love with her. Well... When it goes sour... Usually... So does the guy. It only takes ONE girl to forever affect these guys. Now that they've had their hearts ripped out and stepped on, they will do whatever it takes to keep every girl at a distance. Now this is where I come in. I'm infatuated by how these men walk around, caring so much about women, when actually, they don't CARE about them. They just need to fill a void... And that's all a one-night-stand is to them... Just the filling of a void from a pain they have suffered. 


So where am I going with this?


It always amazes me when I meet an other guy who is like this. Last night my good friend and I went to hang out with this guy that we met recently. He was very sweet all night, he payed for everything, for the three of us. Then he asked us if we wanted to go hang out at his apartment, and I wasn't really feeling up to a loud bar, we agreed to go to his place. When we got there, I realized none of his roommates were home, it was just the three of us. That's when it hit me... He was up to something. Sure enough, I was right. When I realized what was going on, I told my friend we had to leave. So we gracefully told him about my curfew and that I had to be home. When I texted him later on thanking him for being a good host... He exploded on me. He went on saying that all he wants from my friend and I, is a threesome. Well I did my research after that happened. And sure enough... He had his heart completely broken, and has been on the hunt ever since...


So ladies... Moral of the story? 
Stop being selfish bitches. Boys are easier to break then we are...
And to the boys...
Don't worry. I will let you hurt me way before I even think of hurting you. 

Silence.

That pretty much sums up today ladies and gents... 

Coming Home - Diddy

My best friend looked me straight in the face tonight and told me that I need to change what I'm doing. Five days ago I wrote that I wanted to do something different. Why did I want I change? Because I know something is going wrong in my life, and I thought I had pin pointed what was going on. But the truth of the matter is, I don't know what to think anymore. 


My friend was telling me that I'm just too nice to people, men especially, and that's why I get walked all over. Well, to all the people who walk all over me because I'm too nice... Fuck you. Who are you to take advantage of a girl who is being REAL and wanting to care about you. Just because I sent you text messages that make you think that I'm thinking of you. Why are you reading so much into it? 


Hear it here. I CARE ABOUT EVERY ONE. It's my blessing and my curse. I can meet some one once, and it's guaranteed that I will think of you at a future date. I hate that I'm like that... But I will not change for any one. The people I have in my life, without knowing it, love me for that strange quality that I have. Because I care so much about people is the reason I DO have so many friends. 


And yes, my whole life revolves around other people, but for as hard as I've tried to change it, I cannot. This is who I am. And if I have big enough balls to say it aloud, then I should be respected for it. 


So all it all... To the douchbags who walk all over me because I'm a nice girl... The hell with you. I hope that you had a fun ride, but at the end of the day... You will get what's coming to you for hurting me. And to the people who think that this is hurting me... It is... But I cannot change how I am. It kills me at times like these, but I know I'm a good person. And I will take being a good person over being a bitch. Even it's what's best for me...


Ps... You know I love you... And I listen to what you have to say... But if some one wants to walk in and out of my life... That's fine. They were sent to me so that I can learn something. And boy, I have learnt.


 To the moon and back.