For the past few months, I've been hooking up with a friend of a friend. We met a little over a year and a half ago, but I knew exactly who he was before I met him. His reputation stands pretty strong for itself within my community. When I met him, I didn't even look twice at him, not because he isn't gorgeous, because he is, but because of all the hear-say I had heard about him. I saw him a few times that summer, but nothing sprung from these encounters. Months after we met, we just started texted and... To make a long story short. We hooked up. To say the least, I was completely hooked from the rush I got from being around him. He made my stomach knot and do weird flips. And at first, I thought I was doomed, that I definitely was falling for him. The more time we spent together, and the more his texts would drive me crazy, I was sold, I had feelings for him.
A few months ago, my good friend and I spent an afternoon with him, drinking. In the evening we went out separate ways, but we had planned to meet up later that night. Seeing as we had been drinking all afternoon and evening, by the time night time rolled up, it was safe to say, we were all a little intoxicated. We met up in a bar around 11, and I'd say, by11:15, I could see this whole night blowing up in my face. This guy was drunk as all hell, and couldn't take his hands off of me. Until... He had his tongue down one of his friend's throat. As I sat there, only a few feet away, starring at them, trying to figure out how I felt about what was going on. As I starred, I had a few overwhelming feelings. Part of me wanted to go up to him and smack him for being so disrespected... But a bigger part of me... Wanted to go up to him and slip a condom into his pocket and just leave, to never look back. Now, it's safe to say that those two reactions are pretty different... But why in the world was I was calm in the first place? Shouldn't this bother me if I was so sold about having feelings for this guy? That's when I had my moment of realization... I really... Didn't feel how I thought I did. Sure, he's gorgeous, 100% my type, and hands down the best sex I've ever had. But... I just... Don't feel it. Ya know?
That night I made him pick between me and this other girl that he also tends to go home with... And well... I definitely won that one ladies and gentlemen.
Regardless... If I don't have actual feelings for this guy... Then why... To this day does he still have such an affect on me. And what the hell is it?
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